


Resonance

by duotwosome



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Adventure, Angst, Anxiety, BDSM, Buckle up, Captain Janeway, Chakotayissuchafuckingromantic, Confusion, Delta Quadrant, Depression, Drama, Drama & Romance, Eventual BDSM, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Janeway denying feelings, Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay deserve this god damn, Multi Chapter, Sexy Times, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Voyager, Workaholic, confused about feelings at first cause Janeway, long fic, season 5, we're in for a lonnnnnnnng ride folks, written by two J/C loving joint authors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-02-23 14:35:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23746282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duotwosome/pseuds/duotwosome
Summary: Captain Kathryn Janeway and her first officer, Commander Chakotay, have always been close. Over the past five years, they’ve gone from diametrically opposed leaders on two sides of a war to each other’s closest confidant. But are their feelings for each other now beginning to change? Janeway and Chakotay must each wrestle with the possibility that there’s something just beneath the surface of their feelings, waiting to break through. Janeway is faced with the decision to either confront their feelings for each other, or permanently push Chakotay away forever, destroying their friendship beyond repair in the process. *Multiple chapter story* *Slowburn*
Relationships: Chakotay & Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 25
Kudos: 75





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written by Emmett and Lauren, the two most die-hard “Chaneway” shippers on this half of the Alpha Quadrant.
> 
> If you would rather read on one or the other, this fic will be posted on both Fanfiction.net and AO3! We are under the same username (duotwosome) and the story title will be the same (Resonance).
> 
> Hello fellow J/C shippers! Before you get into the FIRST chapter (yes, there will be many more!), we wanted to establish a few things with you all! First, we are joint authors, best friends IRL, writing this story together out of our love for Janeway and Chakotay. This is our first time publishing a joint fic, although we both love writing as hobbies! Second, we have planned for this to be a massive, multi-chapter slow burn story, with lots of fluff to help us withstand the slow burn along the way. We are also aiming for the story to capture multiple adventures of the U.S.S. Voyager, with our original ideas, of course! If you want to read the rest of the story after this chapter and make sure you don’t miss the next update, make sure to bookmark or favorite it! Third, since this IS our fic, we have changed a few things to fit our story. Even though this story takes place along the time of season 5, Seven of Nine does not exist in this story. This is for multiple reasons that will come into play later in the story, and we will explain why we didn’t put her in the fic once that certain plot point comes (and yes, since there is no 7, there is no astrometrics lab). The second change we decided to put in place was the fact that in our story, they have yet to have contact with Starfleet Command. If you don’t like these two changes, then you don’t have to stay, but since you’re here for the “Chaneway,” it doesn’t matter, right? And lastly, we will be updating this story one chapter every Saturday, although sometimes we are planning to slip in a “surprise” chapter another day of the week. So at max, twice a week, but Saturdays are definite! Thanks for reading this LONNNG author note! -E&L

Chakotay rode the turbolift with a slight smile on his lips, lost in thought as he was carried up to the bridge. He stepped off, nodding a polite greeting to Tuvok and continuing on to the Captain’s ready room. He paused, adjusting the cup of coffee in his grasp to a more natural hold before hitting the chime. “Enter,” came the response, and he obeyed. 

Janeway took a second to acknowledge him, her fingers flying over the PADD in her hands as her chin was tugged distractedly in his direction, finally tearing her eyes away from her work to focus on the tall man waiting patiently for her attention. “Good morning, Captain,” he grinned, setting the coffee down in front of her. 

“Chakotay! How kind, thank you,” she said as she leaned back in her chair, leveling her gaze at him to make up for her earlier preoccupation. 

“Neelix told me the replicators were on the fritz when you went by earlier for your daily fix,” Chakotay told her, gesturing to the cup, “so I just thought I’d rectify that situation, lest our captain suffer withdrawal on the bridge and lead us to crash.”

Janeway snorted and shook her head. “I suppose the whole ship owes you a debt of gratitude, for preventing such a horrible fate. What would we do without you, Commander?” 

He opened his mouth to reply, a playful remark at the ready, but was cut off by another chime of her door. 

Once Captain Janeway granted him entry, Ensign Kim walked in, handing her a PADD before turning to Chakotay. “Commander, you ready to play tonight? Tom’s been boasting all shift about the program he prepared, I’m about ready to—” 

“Harry,” the captain cut him off, waving the PADD he had handed her in the air. “I appreciate that you’re all very invested in the poker game tonight, but perhaps you could brief me on this, before conspiring with my first officer to bring what I assume was going to be bodily harm to another member of my crew?”

He turned pink while Chakotay choked back a laugh. “My apologies, Captain,” he stuttered out in embarrassment, “we’ve detected a supply of dilithium crystals on a planet about half a light year from here, we think it might be worth taking a look, seeing if we can stock up before the next stretch of the journey.” 

“Good work, Ensign. Let's set course, and we’ll assess the situation when we arrive.” She gave him an approving look, compensating for her earlier reprimand. “Dismissed.” 

Harry left, and Chakotay shot her a last amused look before following him out. 

Janeway watched him leave, her blue eyes falling to the now cooling cup of black coffee her trusty first officer had brought her, and she couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at the corner of her pink lips.

=/\=

Four hours later, Janeway and Chakotay stood on the bridge as Voyager pulled into the planet’s orbit. Janeway surveyed the surface projected onto the viewscreen before her, swirls of angry cloud cover crackling and lighting up with forks of bright light, obscuring almost the entire planet. 

“What’re we looking at, Harry?” She asked, her scientist side coming out, itching to ease her curiosity with an explanation.

“Looks like a nasty storm system, Captain,” he responded, shoulders hunched as he studied his readings intently. “In fact, I’m not sure I’ve seen an ion storm this intense on a habitable planet before. We’re not going to be able to get a transporter beam through that.”

Janeway thought for a moment, studying the planet with a certain respect for the challenge it represented, taking a few steps closer to the viewscreen as she often did while contemplating her next course of action, before turning around to voice her thoughts. “We’ll take a shuttle down, then. This supply of dilithium is too large to pass by just because of a little weather. Commander, you’re with me.” 

He nodded, habit taking over as he fell into step behind her. They headed to the turbolift and Tuvok left his post, walking down the steps to take command of the bridge in the captain’s absence. 

As they rode down to the shuttlebay, Chakotay stole a look at her out of the corner of his eye. Her gaze was filled with that piercing quality that always made its appearance whenever they encountered something new, fascinating, scientific, and just a little bit dangerous. He always thought that look made her seem like an exhilarated cadet; young, reckless, and hungry for knowledge. He had learned that look would make his job a little harder sometimes, trying to keep her out of trouble, but he wouldn’t change it for the world. There was something about it he adored, though he would never say as much to the captain. 

They arrived in the bay, preparing the shuttlecraft for launch with practiced Starfleet efficiency. “Janeway to bridge, we’re departing now.” The bridge sent back affirmation, and then they were among the stars. 

Chakotay leaned back in his seat as the autopilot brought them into a closer orbit above the surface. Standard procedure for situations such as this, when the descent was complicated by heavy storms, was to circle for around half an hour while the computer scanned the surface for the best path down to get as close as possible to the densest deposit of crystal, since their scanners on Voyager were unable to penetrate through the storm at its farther range. 

“So, Captain. Why won’t you join us for poker tonight?” Chakotay looked at her, a teasing mirth dancing in his eyes. “Afraid to discover your officers can see right through your every bluff?”

She let out a small laugh, her eyes focused on the controls before her as she began the scans to find a path to the surface—which was hopefully one on the smoother side. “Commander, if I were to play you would find yourself losing replicator rations rather quickly. That’s what you’re playing for tonight, is it not?” she responded, a teasing hint in her voice matching his own.

“Is that so? You seem awfully confident for a woman who’s never experienced firsthand the terrible power of my card skills. Undefeatable, when combined with a generous cup of Neelix’s Andolian Ale.” 

“I may not be afraid of your poker skills, Commander, but I am afraid of the effects of any concoction Mr. Neelix mixes up,” she said with a bit of humor, but they both fell silent as they flashed back to the time Neelix used them as his lab rats for three such concoctions. Needless to say, the great Kathryn Janeway was unable to return to the bridge for two days after that, and she had learned a painful lesson. 

He let out a laugh, an honest, booming one that Kathryn only ever heard when they were alone—and once when she had gotten a glob of Neelix’s sticky Masgarnian dessert in her hair, forcing her to cut it short. In the end, she found herself admitting to a certain liking to the new style, a welcome change from the long hair she’d had for years until that point. 

“Come on now, Kathryn. We are explorers, after all. I’m certain that it’s our duty as such to document the effects of any alien substance we encounter, including Mr. Neelix’s...concoctions.” He flashed her a winning smile as if to say “what’s your excuse now?” but just as he did so, the shuttle was rocked with an intense burst of ion energy. 

They both snapped to attention, leaning over their consoles as the shuttle was tossed through the air roughly. “The storm is disrupting our flight pattern, we’re getting pulled down into the atmosphere too fast.” Chakotay worked furiously over his controls, trying to stabilize their journey. “Can you strengthen the shields?”

Suddenly, the shuttle was struck by a bolt of lightning, and her console blew up in front of her before she could respond to him. The small explosion was so strong she flew backwards out of her chair, landing on her back, unresponsive with blood leaking down her face from an open wound on her temple. 

“Kathryn!” He yelled, looking back at her body lying prone on the floor for a panicked second before he was forced to turn back to his console, struggling to keep the shuttle together as well as pushing down the panic that was rising in him as they continued to the ground in a barely-controlled free fall. The buttons flickered off and on, giving only harsh, blaring unresponsive sounds to each of his attempts to regain control. It was all he could do to keep them in one piece.

A blinding flash of energy lit up right in front of them, and he knew what was coming. They were going to crash, and probably not survive. His last thought resonated throughout his brain, as everything went black.

_Kathryn._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the shuttle crash that nearly killed Chakotay and Janeway, Chakotay is left helpless and treating a severely injured Janeway. He must strive to navigate their new surroundings with the help of an alien woman as the captain recovers. In addition, Chakotay is given time to think about his feelings for his captain while she is recovering from her injuries, but they soon find themselves having to escape from a new danger while awaiting Voyager’s rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Oh my gosh you guys! We were both absolutely BLOWN AWAY by how much this story blew up both on fanfiction and AO3!! We were not expecting to get nearly 300 views across both platforms in not even a week of having it posted! Not to mention all the kudos, subscriptions, and kind words you guys left us to encourage us writing! We’re beyond excited to keep continuing this story! Enjoy this very long chapter (somehow it ended up being 6k words..)!-E &L**

_Pain._ That was the first thing that forced itself into Chakotay’s mind, and he didn’t like it. His body felt heavy, his limbs weighed down as if gravity was trying to pull him straight through the ground to the core of the planet. An involuntary groan of agony escaped his mouth, and he struggled to fight against the crushing weight of the air. Slowly, he hauled himself up. The pain shot through his limbs straight to his head, and he was forced to lean against the bulkheads for support.

Smoke filled the shuttle, so dense it was almost black. He gave a hacking cough as he shook the lethargy from his body, trying to regain his bearings.

“Kathryn?” he called, hesitant at first. No response. 

Finally his mind snapped back to functionality, and he remembered the dire nature of their situation. 

_”Kathryn?!”_ He dropped to his chest, keeping low beneath the smoke and peering around the floor of the shuttle. There she was, lying face-down near the doors. He scrambled over, first hitting a manual ventilator button, keeping his face low as the smoke was sucked out of the cabin. He knelt next to his captain, gingerly moving her onto her back and pressing his fingers to her neck. 

She was alive. Barely.

“Kathryn, hold on.” 

He stood and immediately staggered into a bulkhead, clutching his head for a moment before shoving the pain out of his mind. She mattered more, he would deal with his own injuries later. He grabbed an emergency medkit and hurried back, stabbing a hypospray to her neck and pulling out a tricorder. He waved it over her body, studying it intently, and seeing nothing of urgent, life-threatening danger. He sent out a silent prayer to any gods that existed in the universe that she would survive.

He couldn’t help but flashback to the last time he’d been bent over her broken body like this, when he’d watched her fade away right in his arms, helpless to stop it. She’d survived in the end, but that feeling of pure, agonizing fear had never entirely left him. 

“Stop it,” he whispered to himself. “You’re a commander, so act like one.”

He stuffed the hypospray and tricorder back into the kit hastily, bending down to scoop the unconscious Kathryn into his arms. He stood gingerly, holding her tight to his chest and doing his best to support her head in the crook of his arm. With his free hand, he leveraged his weight against the emergency exit, cranking the handle with all the strength he could manage, causing the doors to jerk open with a hiss of air.

Overhead, the ion storm raged. Forks of lightning lit up the air in a terrifying, awe-inspiring array of purple and white. Though it was tempting to stay in the familiar comfort of the shuttle, Chakotay knew that their craft would be an irresistible lightning rod for the chaos unfolding above. As he ventured out, he used his body to shield the woman in his arms from the unforgiving winds and debris flying at them.

He squinted at the side of their shuttle through the atmospheric turmoil, only to find it streaked with deep gouges into the metal. The edges of these gashes still glowed a dark orange, the metal bubbling and disintegrating in black flakes. No lightning strike could cause this. They had been attacked. 

He cursed their luck, but decided he didn’t have time to worry too much about that right now. One way or another, they had to find shelter. They could deal with their enemies—or whoever it was that had wanted them out of the sky—later, together, when he knew she was okay. 

He kept his face down, shielding his eyes against the debris flying through the air as he squinted against the unforgiving wind, seeking shelter. It was difficult to distinguish, but he thought a couple hundred meters away there might be the hulking shadow of a mountain, which meant caves, or at the very least a solid wall of protection against the wind. 

After what felt like a small eternity, he made it to the base of the rock. The captain was still limp in his arms, and anxiety droned relentlessly in his head. His eyes scanned the steep, stone wall in front of him, searching for any indent or outcropping that might provide any kind of protection from the storm. 

After blindly feeling along the stone wall in front of him, he finally found a cave. Instant relief. It opened into a relatively small chamber in the front, the cavern dug out of the rock around twenty feet in diameter. It continued to slope down deep into the mountain, but seemed to get very narrow as the tunnel went on. Once he’d ventured far enough in so that the wind and debris couldn’t reach them, Chakotay laid Kathryn down gently, his large hand supporting her head as he propped her against the curved wall. 

He rummaged through the medkit again, pressing a hypospray to her neck and running his tricorder over her body once more. She had two broken ribs, and she’d sustained blunt head trauma when they crashed. She possibly had a concussion, but he wasn’t sure, he’d need to evaluate her if she regained consciousness. 

_When,_ he mentally chastised himself, _when_ she regains consciousness, because she _will_. He shook his head as if to dislodge the fearful thoughts. 

He administered a couple pain relieving medications and adrenaline compounds, working by little more than a few educated guesses. He hoped that they would do some good, and settled down next to her to wait. 

After a while, the silence began to weigh on his ears. “Please wake up soon,” he whispered to her, then paused, and then added, nearly inaudibly, “I-I need you.” His voice trembled in fear that her blue eyes would never open, and that he might never again see that exhilarated, inquisitive look in them again. The look that made him feel as though there was no other place for him in the galaxy than right by her side. 

When he elicited no response from his companion, he tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear and resigned himself to keeping watch for the night.

He would do everything in his power to protect her now, since he had failed to do so earlier.

=/\=

Chakotay was bent over a makeshift fire when he began to hear echoing, rustling sounds from deeper within the tunnel. With their phasers destroyed in the initial crash, he had no means to properly defend himself and the captain. He protectively positioned himself in front of Kathryn, grabbing a rock in his fist. The cave was silent for a few moments, the only noise was the distant howl of the wind originating from the perpetual raging storm outside. Then he heard it. A faint step, accompanied by a shallow, shaky intake of air. 

Someone was there, and they had the advantage of being shielded by darkness.

Before Chakotay could react, a figure stepped out of the shadows. It was a woman, and she had a sleek, phaser-type weapon pointed directly at him.

“I don’t advise moving,” she warned, eyes pinning him where he stood. Her gaze moved to the left slightly, taking in Kathryn’s slumped form. The flickering light from the fire reflected off the pearlescent scales that framed both sides of her face. They shimmered in the shifting shadows, giving her an ethereal appearance. 

“We come in peace,” Chakotay said as soothingly as he could manage, outstretching his open palms to emphasize his words. “Our shuttle crashed. We were on a scientific mission, we mean no harm to you. In fact, we were under the impression this planet was uninhabited.”

The woman looked at him hesitantly, an internal war showing in her light pink eyes. Finally, she lowered her weapon, but kept it readily in her grasp.

“What’s wrong with her?” she jerked her head in the direction of Janeway, who still remained unconscious, now exhibiting a high fever.

“She’s my captain, she was injured when our shuttle hit. She needs medical attention; she’s hurt and I don’t have the expertise or supplies to help her.” The unspoken plea for aid was clear, the distress clear in his voice. 

“Getting you in is a death sentence,” she responded simply, her voice revealing no intent to help.

“Please—we know nothing of this world. Even if you could get us in contact with our ship in orbit, they could send another shuttle for us. We can’t get home on our own. We’ll help you in return, if there’s anything we can do to repay you.” Chakotay’s eyes sought hers, trying to appeal to any sense of compassion she might hold. “Please. My captain will die without your help.” 

She looked to Kathryn again, before giving a slight nod. “If you step out of line I will not hesitate to shoot you both.”

“You’ll find nothing but gratitude, I promise.” He went to Kathryn’s side, once more pulling her into his arms with a tender movement. He looked back to his new ally, and let her lead the way. 

“They no doubt have increased the guard rotations, since they’re aware that a shuttle went down in this area. They know you’re here.” She peered around a corner, moving forward once deeming it safe.

“What is your society like, would they harm us?”

“We are the Aceja, and my people are extremely xenophobic. As far as the rest of the galaxy is concerned, we do not exist. The abundant dilithium stores on this planet power our civilization and mask our life signs, but their signature is strong to ships’ scanners in space. It lures foreign species in, hoping to claim our precious dilithium, but anybody who gets too close is shot down by weapons our ancestors built into the mountains before we moved underground many generations ago.”

Chakotay processed this, “That explains our current situation. Would they still be hostile toward us if they knew we meant them no evil intentions ? We’re just trying to get home—both the captain and I to Voyager, and Voyager itself to our planet.”

“My people were raised for generations to believe foreigners will only come to exploit our dilithium sources, they will view you as a threat. Anybody who sees you will kill you on sight, and me as well for assisting your escape. Now, no more questions, your voice carries through these caverns,” she ended the conversation, walking onward and leading them deeper through the dark tunnels, into the planet’s crust. 

Chakotay lost count of the minutes, but they had been descending downwards in the cave system for what he thought was about half an hour before a dim light shone before them in the darkness. Flickering lights were now embedded in the cave walls, illuminating a path. They could hear the faint sound of distant footsteps, but those faded as the mysterious woman led them down another path.

Eventually, the woman pulled them to the side. “I need to conceal you, to get you any deeper into the city. I’ll return soon and take you the rest of the way. Guard rotations should not come down this way, but if they do, shoot them.” She pressed her weapon into his hand.

Chakotay nodded, shifting into an offensive, military state of mind. He pulled Kathryn into the shadows and crouched with the phaser held tight, waiting for the woman to return. 

At last, the woman returned with a man. Both of them pushed wheelbarrows filled with what looked like hay, except it was a very pale purple, and looked a bit thinner.

The man opened his arms up to take Kathryn from Chakotay, who pulled back warily. He scoffed and instead pulled back some of the hay-like crop, indicating a small hollow. Chakotay lowered his captain into it, arranging her limbs carefully before the man covered her up again. He then climbed into the other wheelbarrow, and was submerged in total darkness as the Aceja woman concealed his form. 

They took off, the sound of squeaking wheels and rustling straw the only things Chakotay could hear for the first couple minutes. Slowly, the bustling noises of a busy city began to filter in, as well as the smell and noise of livestock. The unmistakable rumble of some kind of public transportation, the hollers and cajoling of vendors, the overarching hum of people talking, laughing, existing. 

They travelled through all this for a while, before apparently reaching a more subdued area. After the roar of the city had faded away, the straw was pushed off chakotay. They looked to be in some sort of alley between houses. The floor was a brown stone, the entire underground civilization illuminated by dilithium powered lights, and a giant, purple crystal hanging from the cave ceiling hundreds of feet in the air. 

“Jahla,” the man said, stepping back from his wheelbarrow. “This squares us. I do not condone your actions here, not after everything that’s happened. Any allegiance I owed you from my brother has been spent. Watch your back.” He gave a harsh look to Chakotay, and departed swiftly. 

Chakotay climbed out, his joints aching slightly from being so cramped. He pulled Kathryn from her space, and looked to Jahla expectantly. She pulled out a group of keys from one of the many pockets in her red coat, and she opened a dark red door in the side of the alley, beckoning him through quickly. 

She pressed a button, and a faint, yellow light flickered on with some difficulty. Her house was small but neat. The walls, floor, and ceiling were all made of stone, a narrow bed occupied one corner and a couch-like structure in another, which Chakotay set Janeway down on. He pulled a chair out from a slightly shabby looking wooden table, and sat down next to his unconscious captain.

“Thank you for taking us in,” he told the woman who’s name he had overheard as Jahla, sincerity evident on his face. 

He turned to business, his hand resting on the arm of the couch. “My captain has been unconscious for hours now, she needs medical attention.” He resisted the urge to move his hand from the couch to Kathryn’s face, her cheeks beaded with small drops of sweat. 

Jahla walked over to them, pressing her hand against Janeway’s face. She moved to the wooden table, dipping a rag into a bucket which sat on top. 

Chakotay watched her skeptically, but held his tongue lest he offend her or underestimate her the powers of whatever the bucket contained. 

She moved towards Kathryn, who laid on the couch, the rag dripping with a liquid.

“Water.” She explained to Chakotay without looking at him, feeling his skepticism and hesitation in the air. 

She pressed the damp rag to Kathryn’s head, gently wiping the dried blood off her face from the deep gash on her temple.

“I’m going to get medicine. Keep the rag on her face to help break the fever,” Jahla told him before disappearing through the red door quickly.

Chakotay moved closer to Kathryn, sitting on the edge of the couch and laying a hand over the rag on her forehead to keep track of its temperature, dunking it in the cool water whenever it started to get too warm. “You’ll be just fine, don’t worry, Kathryn,” he told her, hoping his words were true, and knowing deep inside it was himself he was trying to convince.

=/\=

Nearly an hour later, Jahla returned, the door open for barely a second before closing again. She carried a fur pelt wrapped around a bundle of leaves. She set the bundle on the table, rolling it out and putting a certain mixture of herbs in a stone bowl before mashing it up. 

“Has her fever broken?” she asked, her eyes fixated on the mixture she was mashing up, adding water to it, creating an unpleasant looking brown goo. 

“I think so, she’s stopped sweating.” He watched her process, a twinge of anxiety sparking about all the unknown ingredients before he reminded himself that if Jahla wanted to hurt them, she could have shot them outright.

“Feed this to her,” she ordered him, passing him the bowl along with a small, black stone. The center of the stone was dug out into a surprisingly deep basin, and there was a minute, decorative design carved into it. Clearly it's intended use wasn't as a spoon, but it would function as one anyway.

He used the stone to scoop a small amount of the goo, and then turned to the task of attending to the captain. He struggled for a moment to arrange their two bodies into a suitable position, before giving up on maintaining distance between them. He pulled her against his chest, propping her head on his shoulder with her back pressed against him. In this way, he carefully lifted the stone to her lips, making sure she swallowed the entirety of the bowl’s contents over a series of small doses. When they were done, he laid her back down, wiping some of the goo off the corner of her mouth with his thumb, his hand lingering on her face for a moment before he pulled away. 

“How quickly will that take effect?” he asked Jahla.

“It’s near instantaneous, and will help her fight infection from her wound,” she responded simply, pressing a leaf to the gash on Janeway’s head at the mention of the wound. “I can’t heal her broken ribs without better equipment, which I was unable to get ahold of.”

“She wouldn’t be healing at all if it weren’t for you, thank you.” Chakotay held her gaze. “I just want to know—why are you helping us at all? You said your race is xenophobic, and clearly your friend was less than pleased to see us. Why are you different?”

Jahla was wringing out the rag above the bucket of water, attention fixed on her task at hand while processing his question, before delving into her explanation.

“My husband and I met a number of years ago. We both worked for the government, and at the time I was a dutiful, loyal public servant. Two years into our dating, he told me a secret. You see, our society is very strictly structured. Our dilithium attracts aliens, but the ion storm almost always deters them from attempting to extract it. However, sometimes, the storm fails, and the aliens come anyway, as you did. On these rare occasions our weapons in the mountains shoot down the intruders, as I told you earlier. Our people are scared of the surface, and the storm is powerful, so they leave the aliens to be killed by the storm if not by the crash. Those two years into our relationship, my husband, boyfriend at the time, revealed to me the secret operation he was a member of. This group worked to rescue the aliens who survived their crashes, and happen to wander into our caves.” She paused, losing herself in the memories for a moment. 

“He had only rescued three throughout his involvement, and two ended up passing due to injuries. I began assisting him in the operation, fearful at first but loving him too much to turn him over to the authorities. His brother, Jam’an, the man you saw earlier, also worked with him. Unfortunately, only a year into our marriage, the operation was ratted out. The authorities came and killed both the alien we were sheltering, and my husband. Wanting to continue his legacy, I claimed no knowledge of the operation, but the government has been suspicious of me ever since. After his brother's death, Jam’an went into mourning. He helped me today, but he no longer works with the organization.” 

She looked to Chakotay now, her attention returning to the present. “I won’t lie to you. Since the raid on our house to arrest and kill my husband, many members of the organization have felt a fear of the government root and grow in their hearts. It will be difficult to find others to aid us, if I can at all. Getting you out will be extremely challenging and dangerous, if not impossible. I may not have prevented your deaths, only delayed them.”

Chakotay could see the loss that had made its home in her soul, a heavy tiredness woven throughout her words. 

“Even so, we’re still deeply in your debt. Captain Janeway and I are trained officers, it may be that we’re able to provide some kind of assistance to you in our own escape.” 

“I’m afraid even two thoroughly trained officers will be unable to combat our government. It’s two versus many. Our best bet is to sneak you out, once your captain has healed.”

“We need a way to contact our ship,” Chakotay said after a few minutes of silence. “They’ll try to come for us, the storm won’t stop them, and they could be killed if they’re shot down or discovered.”

“We have no technology strong enough that can cut through the storm. Your best bet will be to return to the surface and wait for them, hoping they’re able to survive the journey down. If they do, you must escape swiftly once they arrive, and try to evade the weapons in the mountains. This won’t be a simple mission, and you risk getting reinjured—especially her, when she has broken ribs.” She looked to Kathryn, moving close again to press her hand against her head. “Her fever is gone. It’s just a matter of when she’ll wake, now.”

“Thank you, Jahla,” Chakotay said again, looking up to meet her light pink eyes, her face framed by the pearlescent scales lining her face, and wavy, blond hair.

She nodded to him. “I’m doing this for my husband. He gave his life to the organization, it was important to him that he did all he could to shelter outsiders from our government,” She stated simply.

A silence fell back between them, but it was not an uncomfortable one. Chakotay’s dark brown eyes returned to Kathryn’s face, and Jahla observed him.

“You love her.” 

“She’s my captain,” he responded quickly, an edge in his tone.

“My husband used to look at me the same way,” she responded admiringly, a slight smile on her lavender lips. “I noticed it when I was watching you in the caves, as well.”

“I care for her deeply, yes. Our situation is unique, there’s not many people we can both confide in. But that’s the extent of it.” He told her this with a practiced tone, as if it were a mantra he had repeated to himself a hundred times before. 

“You keep telling yourself that. I will be back in a few hours, I have to keep up an appearance in town. It is our culture to be out with the crowds during the day.” And then she left, leaving Chakotay alone yet again with his injured captain.

Chakotay repositioned his chair to sit closely to the couch, at an angle where he would keep an eye on the door and Kathryn at the same time. He sat, losing himself to his thoughts, which circulated around the injured woman just to his right.

=/\=

A little over five hours later, Jahla returned. She entered in the same furtive, rapid way she had before, inside the house before Chakoay could even rise from his seat. 

“There’s a strange smell in the air today. Toward the end of the evening, I felt that perhaps I was being watched. I lost the tail, if that’s what it was, but they know where I live. We need to get on the move.” 

Chakotay acknowledged this and knelt to one knee next to Janeway. He didn’t relish waking her, but he had no choice. He’d let her rest and heal for as long as he could, now they needed to find their way home. A sudden fear flashed across his mind that he would try to wake her only to discover that her head injury had stolen away her consciousness forever. He shoved down the evil thought, and laid his hand on her shoulder. 

“Kathryn.” She didn’t respond, though he thought he saw some movement under her eyelids. 

He tried again, this time accompanying his voice with a soft squeeze of his fingers, _”Kathryn._ You have to wake up, now. Can you hear me?”

She groaned, a hand going to her head as she was pulled into consciousness by the sound of his voice.

“Chakotay? What happened?” Her voice was confused, weighed down with grogginess and pain.

He gently helped her upright, doing his best not to jostle her ribs. 

“Our shuttle went down. We were wrong about this planet, it’s inhabited. A woman, Jahla, found us and has given us shelter. The people here are hostile to aliens, we need to get back to the surface now so Voyager can get us home, hopefully.”

Resolve entered her gaze, and she stood with his help, his hand hovering anxiously by her elbow in case she faltered, and she bit back a groan of pain that tried to escape. “Okay. Let's go.” His eyes crinkled into half-moon smiles at the instant readiness of his captain. 

Jahla gave the captain an approving look, coming over and handing each of them a heavy pile of fabric. “Put these on. We’re going to pretend you are my servants, you must conceal your skin, and keep your faces lowered at all times. I will try to get us to the surface, but then I must leave you. Understand? Good.”

They draped the fabric over themselves with Jahla’s direction, and finally she deemed them ready. She tucked a smaller, more inconspicuous phaser into her sleeve and led them out into the street. Chakotay kept tight to Janeway’s side, who was still slightly wobbly on her legs, and the two of them followed close on Jahla’s heels. 

They kept to secluded alleys for as long as they could, but finally they reached an intersection bustling with people and carts of all types. 

“Keep your faces down, and trust me,” Jahla reminded them, and stepped out into the street. People shoved past the two heavily clothed servants roughly, and Chakotay marveled at the sheer amount of activity in the square. They continued through the crowds for a couple minutes, struggling to make their way as quickly as possible to the far side. 

Near the edge of the throng, Jahla suddenly paused, causing Janeway to run into her with a hiss of pain, arm curling around her side, and Chakotay raised his hand to her shoulder in support. 

“I think we’re being followed. I’ll try to lose them, but this could turn into a fight,” Jahla warned them, taking off again. Her steps turned into the practiced run of a woman familiar with the natural movement of the crowded street. 

The two Starfleet officers did their best to mimic her, weaving through the crowd and finally making it to a relatively empty alley off the main square. “Come, we must hurry!” Jahla urged them over her shoulder. 

Looking back they could see a few broad-shouldered, heavily outfitted figures pushing roughly through the intersection, heading in their direction. They followed Jahla as she led them down the alley and then darted down a smaller one to the left, trying to get out of sight. 

They ran as quickly as they could for several minutes, finally pausing when Chakotay grabbed Jahla’s elbow, pulling her to a stop. Janeway was sucking down wheezing breaths in her attempt to keep up, her arm wrapped tight around her injured abdomen.

“We need to take a second, let the captain recover,” he told Jahla, as the Acejan woman peered suspiciously around the corner to the next alleyway. 

“Chakotay, I’m okay, let's keep moving,” Janeway insisted, “besides—”

“Besides,” came a booming voice, and a figure dropped from a balcony above onto the ground before them, “there’s no real reason to keep running once you’ve already been caught.”

Jahla started and shoved the man back, Chakotay grabbing Janeway’s arm and yanking her around the corner into the next alley, breaking out into a run. It was no use, armoured soldiers stepped out from the shadows in front of them, blocking their escape. They whirled around and Jahla was roughly tossed to the ground near them by the first man, now flanked by three others. 

“Jahla, come now. Did you really think this was going to work? After I cut down your husband not five hundred paces from this spot, for the exact same thing? Have you forgotten so quickly?” The man’s voice was even, calculated. It held a faux-friendly tone, as though he were bantering with an old friend, but there was a threatening undercurrent.

“Kar’nic,” Jahla spat out his name as if it were poison. “This is wrong. These people are innocent, they simply want to go home. There’s no reason to kill them, or me. No harm has been done to our people, or will be done. The foreigners might as well never have existed, when this is over. My husband knew the ways of our government were evil, and you were wrong to discount him. His organization has done nothing but good.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that, Jahla,” Kar’nic responded, a bite to his voice, “I happen to know of a certain ex-member of your organization who seems to think it does a lot more harm than good. He was kind enough to offer his assistance in bringing an end to your traitorous behaviour, so that no more innocent Aceja people fall prey to the false preaching of your precious organization. Just as his dear brother fell prey, Spirits rest his soul.”

“Jam’an,” Jahla cursed. “By the spirits, I’ll kill him, the worthless man!”

“Enough talk. Guards, take them to the main square. There will be a public execution, so that all our people will be reminded what happens to those who threaten our order.”

“Listen to me—” Kathryn started, but she was cut off by a sharp blow from one of the guards, knocking her to the ground. Her head lolled to the side, her body unmoving except for the faint rise and fall of her chest.

Chakotay let out a roar of anger, leaping at the guard, but he was struck swiftly on the back of the head. Darkness descended over his vision, and he felt the sharp impact of the ground against his face before everything went black.

=/\=

Chakotay awoke slowly, his head pounding.

“Commander, can you hear me?” Janeway’s concerned voice bounced around his head, the words not quite making sense. 

“Chakotay, are you okay? Can you answer me?” 

He opened his eyes with a concentrated effort, blinking at the blurry lines and blobs before him. 

“I’m okay, Captain.” The blurs took shape before him, materializing into a thick sea of people stretching out as far as he could see. They were packed into a giant open space, and further back they crowded alleys, balconies, and the roofs of stone houses all around them. “Though it looks as if that might not be true for long.”

Janeway didn’t respond, and he looked over to see a steely look on her face. They were both on their knees, arms extended above them with long ropes tied around their wrists attached to the metal structure above their heads. 

The three of them were spread out in a row, Jahla at one end and Chakotay at the other. They were raised above the crowd on a platform, and in front of them stood Kar’nic, and a number of his guards. To his right stood Jam’an, whose eyes were locked with Jahla’s. An unforgiving fire spat from her pink eyes.

Chakotay rolled his balled fist in a wide circle, trying to get some blood flow to the extremity. The tight friction of the rope burned his skin as he moved, he wouldn’t be able to slip out of it. 

Kar’nic stepped forward, preparing to speak, and the crowd silenced. “Dearest people! Aceja of this mighty city, hear me! What you see before you is divine justice in the flesh. We have here three condemned souls; two aliens who would tear down our world, and a traitor who would help them. You’re about to watch them answer for their actions. Let this be a message, to all those who would dare undermine the glorious society our government has provided us with. You will fail, and you will be punished for it, as these three are about to be.” 

A young boy dressed in white robes stepped forward, offering Kar’nic a long, thin blade which rested on his outstretched hands. Kar’nic took it, and slowly stalked around to the back of the podium, the crowd cheering expectantly as he did so. He took position behind Jahla, and the woman raised her chin proudly, her eyes leveled over the crowd to the middle distance. 

He raised the blade dramatically, and paused with it held high in the air. The crowd erupted into deafening, wild cries, screaming and calling for him to bring it down. The animated, vicious look in the eyes of the citizens terrified Chakotay, and he feared that they would pour forward and rip the three of them limb from limb before the sword even had a chance to touch them. 

“Kar’nic, we can negotiate, let us talk to you, there doesn’t need to be bloodshed today,” Janeway called to him desperately, her words rapid. “There’s no need to kill this woman, she’s done nothing to harm your people. Please, just let us ta—” she fell silent in shock as the blade descended, cutting deep into Jahla’s skull in one smooth motion, a sickening sound meeting Janeway’s ears, and she swallowed the bile which rose in the back of her throat. 

Chakotay’s body was flooded with a rush of panicked adrenaline, and he looked to his captain with eyes so wide she could see the distinct flecks of black in his brown irises. 

Jahla’s body slumped to one side, blood pouring out of the wound at the top of her head and drenching her face, her neck, her chest. She was still held up by the ropes around her wrists, but her legs splayed out awkwardly. 

Kar’nic accepted a white cloth from another ceremonial boy, and wiped the blade clean. He turned and took three steps, his feet falling heel-toe, heel-toe. He took position behind Janeway and raised the blade again, taking his time and letting the crowd work up to a frenzy once more. Janeway looked to Chakotay, the fingers on her hand closest to him stretching out in his direction. Her eyes were filled with a thousand swirling emotions, and strangely he thought he saw concern for _him_ painting her features. Kar’nic took a deep breath, and his hands tightened around the sword’s handle. 

_“No!”_ Chakotay yelled, the cry ripping from his throat. _“Don’t hurt her!”_ He thrashed against his restraints, struggling desperately to free himself, to reach his captain, to do anything except watch helplessly as her life was cut down before him. 

Kathryn locked eyes with him, a thousand unspoken words passing between them in that one moment, before the blade was suddenly brought down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Thank you guys for reading chapter two! We hope you enjoyed it, even though it was left on a bit of a cliffhanger haha. We love reading your reviews, and if you have any critiques, please comment down below so we can improve! See you next week! -E &L**


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Janeway and Chakotay’s near execution, Janeway is confined to quarters in order to recover. When Chakotay comes to visit, there is something beneath the surface of their friendship that they can both feel yet cannot explain or identify.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hey everybody! Yes, we are aware we are two days past our posting schedule, but we decided that Mondays will be easier for us to post on, giving us all weekend to work on and edit chapters! This chapter is short, but crucial. We are hoping to write a relatively long chapter next week!! Enjoy! -E &L**

Just as the sword was supposed to swing down on Janeway’s head, sealing her fate, several things happened at once. 

The first was that the captain, brilliant and daring as she always was, decided not to take her execution lying—or kneeling, as it were—down. As Kar’nic’s blade descended, Janeway gave a mighty _tug_. In a sudden, unpredictable movement, she jerked her body sharply to the side, her right hand wrapping around the rope tied to her wrist and using it to haul herself upwards. 

Instead of its intended destination of her skull, the sword embedded itself deep into Janeway’s shoulder, right at the base of her neck. Her jaw dropped open, and despite the roar of the pandemonium unfolding before them, Chakotay would later swear he could hear the cry she let out. It was clear as crystal, ringing in his ears and piercing his heart. 

The second was that a burst of light exploded from the crowd, around 20 meters from the edge of the podium. Chakotay saw people scatter, erupting into chaos, and the sound of phaser-fire met his ears. They had to get out of there, something was clearly going wrong down in the masses. His attention returned quickly to the captain, concern for her overwhelming his thoughts. 

“Captain!” He called out to her, his voice nearly cracking while his expression crumpled into one of horror. Janeway’s weight fell back to the ground, and the ropes dug into her again as she struggled to remain upright, her eyes fighting to stay open and alert against the pain.

Kar’nic snarled, yanking the sword out roughly and raising it high above his head again, his movements quick and angry. 

However, before he could strike the killing blow, a ball of light came flying out of the crowd to hit him square in the chest. He was thrown backward, collapsing to the ground with smoke rising from his unmoving chest.

Chakotay’s head whipped around, seeking the source of the blast. It wasn’t hard to find. As he watched, several figures, their faces obscured with veils, stormed the podium and made quick work of disabling each of the guards. One of them stepped toward Chakotay but halted in his tracks when the commander reacted in alarm. He drew back his hood, revealing the stoney expression of Lieutenant Commander Tuvok. 

“Speed is of the essence, sir,” he said, stepping forward again and quickly freeing Chakotay with two slashes of a silver knife. 

Chakotay didn’t bother to respond, leaping over to his captain and grabbing her as Tuvok cut her ropes. His arm looped around her side while the other hand held onto her wrist, her own arm pulled over his shoulders. 

Tuvok leapt from the edge of the podium and they followed, Janeway panting slightly as blood poured from her wound, coating her own uniform and contaminating Chakotay’s with the red liquid as well. She winced and bit back a noise as they jumped the few feet to the ground, and Chakotay tightened his grip around her. The other veiled figures followed them, holding back the fearful, screaming crowd with their phasers.

They made it swiftly to the closest alley, and Tuvok led them down some stairs into a dark bar. It was abandoned, save for a single Aceja, who watched them warily from the corner. Harry and Tom discarded their crude disguises, hurrying behind the counter and emerging with transporter enhancers, quickly setting them up in a wide triangle. 

Tuvok tapped his comm badge, “Voyager, five to beam up directly to sickbay.”

They materialized on the ship, the Doctor rushing over and leading the injured captain to lie on a biobed with Chakotay’s assistance. 

He stepped back as the Doctor whipped out his instruments, hastening to stop the bleeding from her still-gushing shoulder. 

“Did you recover the shuttle?” Chakotay asked Tuvok, turning to business now that they were out of danger. 

“Yes, Sir. Everything has been returned to Voyager, and I apologize for the delay in your rescue. Maintaining the prime directive while preventing your execution was a difficult task to navigate.”

“You did just fine, Lieutenant. Arrived in the nick of time,” Chakotay commended him, and the Vulcan nodded before leaving with Kim and Paris to resume their positions on the bridge. 

Chakotay looked to Janeway when he saw movement in the corner of his eye. She was attempting to sit up in bed, waving off the Doctor’s protests. 

“Status report, Commander?” She asked. 

“We’re resuming course, Captain. Voyager seems to be perfectly fine, though I can’t say the same for you.” He gave her a scolding look, and she glanced away in chagrin, allowing the Doctor to gently push her down onto her back, being careful with her injured shoulder. “Hopefully the next time we look for dilithium it won’t involve our near-deaths,” Chakotay remarked. 

“Or next time I’ll just make sure you’re in the middle of the firing squad, instead,” she responded, a glint of humor in her eyes. “How’s that sound to you, _first officer?_ ” She stressed the title, reminding him of his official duty to protect her with a teasing lilt to her tone. 

“Sounds just fine, Captain,” he responded, a smile on his lips but a solemn note in his voice. He took his responsibility seriously, and wished it had been him who was next for death on the podium instead of her. She opened her mouth to respond once more, but the Doctor interjected. 

“The captain needs her rest, Commander. I understand that the two of you wish to exchange your typical banter, but for the moment I need to attend to her injuries. _Without_ distractions.” He gave Chakotay a scathing look, as if reprimanding him for even existing while the great, mighty doctor attempted to work. 

“Of course, Doctor, thank you.” He gave Janeway a last look, mirth dancing between them as if they were two schoolchildren who had just been told off by the teacher. 

Chakotay retired to his quarters, taking a long sonic shower, slowly washing off the events of the last 24 hours as well as the blood, dirt, and grime smeared across his skin. His movements became slow, messy and lethargic. Oftentimes after a particularly stressful mission, this type of exhaustion would set in. It affected more than just his limbs, it seeped into his psyche, his very soul, chipping away at his humanity.

Heavy steam filled the room as he pulled a grey t-shirt over his head, black hair wet and dripping. He struggled to complete the basic task, fingers catching on the fabric as if they were covered with glue. Finally, he straightened out the hem by his waist and braced his hands against the edge of the sink, leaning forward to catch his breath. He raised his head to make eye contact with himself in the mirror, the white haze from the shower making the edges of his face pale and blurry in the reflection.

He stayed like that for a long moment, his mind going to a blank, almost meditative state that still felt as if it were wrapped up with implications he didn’t want to deal with at the moment.

“Think later, Chakotay,” he told the drawn eyes of the man before him. “Sleep first.”

The reflection nodded in resigned agreement and stepped out of frame as Chakotay headed to bed. 

=/\=

The next morning Chakotay arrived on the bridge a new man, or so he told himself. He took up his usual seat, going over the crew schedule for the next week and reviewing the logs from the day they’d spent on the planet’s surface.

“So, Commander,” Tom’s voice broke into his inner monologue. “You up for a rematch tonight, since you so conveniently avoided defeat the other day?”

“Huh? Oh! The poker game,” Chakotay gave a slight chuckle at the brash challenge of the helmsman. “We’ll see, Lieutenant. I can’t devote every night to knocking you down a peg.”

“He’s right, Tom,” Harry joined in. “He’d have to spend his entire waking life dedicated to the cause, that’s just how inflated your ego is.”

Tom shot a barb back at Harry, and Chakotay let his attention drift as the two best friends dissolved into decidedly un-starfleet-like personal insults.

 _Where is the captain?_ He wondered. She would normally be on the bridge by this time. Actually, long before this time, always insisting to be on one of the earliest shifts, since Chakotay would always talk her out of Gamma after working all day on Alpha.

He pulled up the computer manifest log, and saw a note from the Doctor which Tuvok had apparently acknowledged before he arrived: the captain was designated to her quarters for the day to recover from her head and shoulder trauma. 

A brief stab of concern crossed his mind, but he pushed it away. The captain had a tendency to overdo it, even (and sometimes especially) after being injured. He would swing by her quarters after his shift ended, just to check in on her. Until then, he decided to trust that the Doctor had her health under close tabs, and let his focus return to humbling Tom’s decidedly un-earned card confidence, but found his mind continuing to drift back to Kathryn.

=/\=

Twelve hours later, Chakotay rang the chime to Janeway’s quarters. In his left hand he held a PADD with reports from the day’s events, and a worn paperback book. 

“Enter,” she called, and he did so, his shoulders falling into the forward lean they usually did when he adopted an informal body language. 

“Good evening, Captain. I saw you were stuck in the brig today and thought I might swing by with some work—and some entertainment.” He handed over the two items in his possession, which she accepted appreciatively.

“The brig is correct,” she replied, taking his joke and using it to vent her frustrations. “The Doctor was absolutely unwilling to listen to reason, we should have his program examined. I was more than fit for duty...” she saw the look on his face and trailed off, realizing she would find no sympathy from her audience. 

She glanced at the cover of the book he’d given her, and her expression lit up. “Vanity Fair. This was one of my favorite books in the Academy, how did you know?”

He sat down on the couch at her nonverbal invitation, looking slightly sheepish. “Actually, I was hoping it would be one you hadn’t read. I remembered you liked victorian novels, and tried to make a lucky guess.” 

“Don’t fret, Commander. This is perfect.” She gave him a soft look of affection, holding eye contact with him for an unnecessarily long moment before looking back to the book and setting it down on the coffee table. 

“So,” she said, “how are you, after everything that happened yesterday?”

“Just fine, Captain. You’re the one who bore the brunt of it. Both in the shuttle crash and then the execution.” She dismissed this with an idle wave of her hand, as if to say it was beside the point. 

“All in a day’s work, Chakotay. Besides, it was rather interesting to get an up-close look at the Aceja culture. I just wish I had been conscious for more of it.” She gave him a wry smile, and he returned it with a genuine one. 

“Well, from what I experienced, they seemed to be an interesting people,” he told her. “Institutionally xenophobic, yes, but with an undercurrent of political disrest, from what Jahla told me. I have a feeling that sometime in the not-too distant future, things might change.” Though even as he said the words, the frenzied faces of the crowd watching their imminent deaths butted into his mind. _Then again maybe not,_ he thought to himself. 

“Either way, I’m glad to be leaving them behind,” Janeway stated, as if sensing his thoughts, reaching for her cup of coffee which sat next to the commander’s gift.

“We do seem to have a knack for seeking out trouble, don’t we?” Chakotay replied, and they both chuckled softly. 

Silence fell between them. It was far from an uncomfortable silence, but Chakotay still felt as if there were a certain tension he couldn't quite pinpoint. It hadn’t always been this way—in fact, they usually had an easy relationship with one another—but occasionally there were these patches of…. something. Something lying shadowed in the space between them, guarded by protocols. He wasn’t sure he could even figure out what it was, let alone bring it into the light. It was inexplicable, just like most phenomena they encountered in space.

Their eyes connected again, and she gave him a look as if trying to decipher something in his gaze. 

“I should go, I’ve got some reports to review before I turn in tonight.” He stood, and she followed, walking him over to the door. 

They paused, each feeling as if there was something they were supposed to say, or perhaps do, though neither of them knew what such a thing would be. 

Chakotay started to speak, “Ka—” but she cut him off. “Goodnight, Chakotay. Sleep well.” 

He closed his mouth, giving her a strangely bittersweet smile in response. He stepped out, and the doors glided closed between them. He headed back to his quarters, a strange heaviness weighing on his mind, and a longing in his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **We hope you enjoyed this chapter! We are still awestruck by the fact we now have 800 views across both platforms, only three chaps in!! As always, let us know of any critiques or how you’re liking the story in the reviews! See you next week! -E &L**


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Janeway is feeling the perpetual burden of leadership particularly heavily these days, and Chakotay can sense it. When he broaches the subject, she must think about how to balance her duty with her human weaknesses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hey everybody! Hope you all enjoy this sweet little chapter. -E &L**

“Voyager to Captain, come in Captain.”

Janeway’s wandering thoughts were snapped back to reality, the baritone voice managing to pierce through the fog clouding her mind. She brought her gaze up to meet the perceptive eyes of her first officer, shaking her head slightly as if to dispel the hazy tendrils entangled with the very neurons in her brain. Chakotay wore a small smile on his lips, communicating a patient amusement. 

“I’m sorry, Commander. What did you say?” She mustered a faint look of warmth in his direction, leaning forward to take her nearly-empty cup of coffee into her hands. The metal was cold, and she doubted the dark liquid inside would be any different. Time for a refill, and with any luck Chakotay would refrain from commenting on her semi-addiction. Today she was simply tired, and she didn’t really feel like begrudging herself that eighth cup. 

She stood as Chakotay resumed his narrative, exchanging her old cup for a fresh one and whispering a silent thanks to whatever god of the replicators might exist in the multiverse that the one in her ready room was cooperating today. She eased back into her seat on the blue sofa, clearing a couple PADDs off her low table to make room for the beloved caffeine boost. The entire surface was covered with heaping piles of the damned PADDs, and she felt as though they’d barely made a dent in getting through them. 

Once a month, she and Chakotay had a standing date to review reports of the ship, spending copious hours together ensuring that they knew what supplies the ship was running low on, what maintenance they needed to schedule, what latest scheme of the Doctor’s they needed to delicately shut down. Not only did they discuss Voyager, but they also reviewed morale ideas for the crew, as well as promotions and demotions. However, at the present moment her mind seemed utterly incapable of focusing on the words flowing from her first officer’s mouth.

“So that should be a priority for the next two weeks, as well as- _uh,_ Captain? Are you listening?” His gentle voice brought her back once again.

“Y—” She started automatically, before sighing and giving him an apologetic look. “No, I’m sorry. My mind was wandering.” She hauled herself up with a small groan, taking a long drink of the coffee before walking in a short half-circle around the room, rolling her neck and stretching her arms.

Usually she enjoyed these little planning sessions they shared, but today she felt like looking at another chart of data would drive her over the edge. 

“Kathryn,” the commander stood, catching her arm with a gentle touch to stop her pacing. 

“I don’t mean to overstep, but I’ve noticed that you seem a bit stressed lately.” His concerned brown eyes sought hers. 

She broke their gaze. “That may be, Chakotay, but it’s part of the job. You sign up for stress when you become a Starfleet captain, it’s not exactly surprising. Though I appreciate the concern.” She pulled herself from his grasp, moving down the steps to sit at her desk.

“Starfleet captains are still human—well, most of them, anyway—and humans need a break every once and awhile. You’re overdue on that front, Tuvok and I have both noticed.”

“Ah, glad to hear that I now have the Vulcan concerned over my health, not just you. Besides, that’s still ignoring the fact that neither of you, the last time I checked, were the ship’s doctor. What’s your prescription, then?”

Chakotay sighed softly, recognizing the belligerence underlying her tone and anticipating her imminent rejection of what he was about to suggest. But he had to try anyway, she was his captain, and his friend. “Take a vacation on the holode-”

“I can’t. I have too much work,” she cut him off before he could even complete the sentence, redirecting her attention to her main console with a motion of authority and resting her hand in her palm.

“ _Captain_ -”

“ _Commander_ ,” she snapped, and then immediately regretted it. “I’m sorry,” she backtracked, letting the weight of her skull pull her head forward until her forehead rested in her palms instead. “There’s simply too much work for a vacation right now, Chakotay. Thank you for the recommendation, though.” 

He let out a defeated sigh, settling down into the chair across from her desk. “A compromise, then. Take a small break, even just for an hour.”

“How do you suggest I do that?”

A thoughtful look rested on his face for a moment as he considered if his next words would be crossing an invisible line. “How about having dinner with me on the holodeck tomorrow night?”

She looked up, a protest rising in her throat, but this time he was the one to cut her off.

“Professional, Captain. I know I could use a break too, these reports are consuming both of us.”

Janeway thought for a moment, scrutinizing him seriously before looking back down at her console screen, responding without giving him any insight into her inner thoughts. “I get off duty at 2100, I’ll meet you there.”

Finally satisfied, Chakotay stood up, sending a grateful smile her way before exiting the ready room with a quiet “Good-night, Kathryn.”

Janeway's eyes lifted from her console screen, continuing to stare at the door long after it had closed, replaying their last conversation in her head once, twice, three times. They had dinner all the time, yes, but there had been something unusual in his voice as he extended this particular invitation. She felt that it was different, somehow, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to deal with what that difference might be. Or perhaps, something inside her whispered, she was afraid of what it might mean. 

She stood from her desk, tapping the top of her console to power down the device. _’Poor thing,’_ she thought, _’it’s probably just as tired as I am.’_ She moved to stand in front of the window, watching the stars streak past as her mind took her to a place far from Voyager. She let the image slowly form, pale wisps of clouds pressing themselves into her unseeing eyes. She knew below those clouds was a forest full of deep, welcoming greens, where just out of sight something swung among the trees. In the corner of the scene, just beyond where she allowed herself to picture, there was a hand-made tub resting on the grass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So this chapter was originally supposed to be one long work, but Emmett and I are both extremely busy, and we had to stop and post it in the middle of writing in order to keep up with our Monday updates. Since it’s so short, we will be posting the second half of the chapter BY Thursday! So double update this week! As always, thank you for all the kind reviews/likes/favos, you guys ROCK!! (Also, we now have over 1k views across both FF and AO3, amazing!! <3) -E&L**


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Our goal was to have part 2 of chapter 4 posted by Thursday of this past week, but unfortunately life kept us from achieving that. So here we are, on Sunday, finally delivering this chapter. Sadly, tomorrow’s weekly Monday update will be postponed until either Wednesday or Thursday, due to Emmett having some things to take care of. After this week, updates should go back to Mondays only. Thanks for being patient with us:) Enjoy! -E &L**

A frustrated growl tore from the captain’s throat as she flung her balled up shirt into the corner of the room. The fabric flared out in the air, landing soundlessly in a parachute motion instead of the satisfying _thump_ she had been hoping for. Her dinner with Chakotay was in five minutes, but she wasn’t quite ready. 

During their conversation, he’d framed this dinner as a way to relax, a fair middle ground between working herself to death and taking a real vacation. She wanted to prove to him that she was taking that directive seriously. So, after her shift had ended, she’d returned to her quarters to grab some wine and change into something a little less formal than their everyday uniform. At the very least, she hoped it would send him the message that she was taking the “relaxation” bit to heart, and with any luck that would ease his worries about her. 

But after trying on five different shirts, she’d begun to lose her temper. It wasn’t that they didn’t look good or feel comfortable, because they did, it was just that she wasn’t sure exactly what message they were sending. There seemed to be a fine line between casual enough to demonstrate she was de-stressing, and so casual as to be suggestive. 

The last piece she’d tried on (it was simple and blue, but with too plunging a neckline) stared at her judgmentally from it’s crumpled position on the floor. She gave it a scathing look and turned her back, transferring her death glare to the undershirt-clad woman in the mirror. 

“I’m afraid _that_ is definitely not professional,” she scolded her reflection. She sighed, bare shoulders slumping for a second before she rallied, grabbing a red-striped command jacket and leaving it unzipped to reveal the undershirt beneath. There, fitting for the occasion: all Starfleet, but less stiff. 

She glanced at the clock—shit, it was 2103, she was already late. She snatched the wine bottle off her table and broke out into a light jog, arriving at the holodeck just as the commander was lifting his hand to his combadge, presumably to contact her. 

“Hold off the search party,” she told him, catching her breath as she stopped beside him, “I’ve been located.”

He responded with a sharp puff of air from his nose, but no audible laugh. “Thought you might have gotten lost, there,” he returned her banter. “Or perhaps arranged a convenient kidnapping.” 

“Always a possibility, but I decided to suffer through.” She then jerked her chin at the holodeck with a questioning look, as if to ask when they would be getting on with it. The corners of his mouth twitched in amusement and he offered her his arm. She took it, and his other hand crossed over his body to rest over hers. 

They entered the holodeck, and her eyes fluttered shut for a moment as a sea-breeze washed over her face. She took in the view ahead of them, sucking in a lungful of the fragrant air. White sand stretched out in a long curved line ahead of her, blue-green waves gently lapping at the edge of the shore. Opposite to the ocean was a tall wall of dark trees and lush, diverse floral plants. Their color was muted in the twilight dusk, but she could still make out the royal purples and sunset oranges standing out from the background. 

“It’s beautiful,” she said simply, and he gave a sound of appreciation. “And here’s our spot, Captain.” He gestured to a cozy wooden platform she had overlooked near the trees, placed on the sand and outfitted with a table and two chairs. The pale deck was surrounded by candles and lanterns, providing a soft halo of lighting.

“This is wonderful, Chakotay. Thank you.” They settled down at the table, and a holographic waiter appeared, handing them each a short menu and excusing himself into non-existence again. 

“Unlike the man, the food is real,” her companion told her with a small smile. “Neelix prepared it earlier. Wanted to make a nice gesture, since work has been taking a lot out of you lately.” 

“That was kind of him,” she said, and she made a mental note to thank the chef later, knowing how much the Talaxian craved such acknowledgement. 

The two of them fell into conversation, and she felt her earlier anxieties fall away. He was Chakotay, and she was Kathryn, and for years now he’d been the easiest person in the world to talk to. Whatever strange feeling she’d felt in the air during their talk in her ready room must have a figment of her imagination, because at this moment everything between them felt easy and right. 

The evening stretched into fully-clad nighttime, the residual glow of the sun dying out as they slowly ate and made their way through the wine. Finally she poured the last of the dark liquid into each of their glasses, holding out her hand to stop him when he moved to drink. He paused, waiting for her next queue. 

“A toast, for our final drink. To Jahla; for saving our lives, and sacrificing hers.” 

Chakotay gave a solemn nod, and they touched their glasses together in a moment of silence. 

“It’s always been a difficult aspect of space travel, for me,” he finally said, “the way we discover people like Jahla and her husband, who are trapped under xenophobic regimes. It seems almost every star system we visit, we get to know someone who has this desire to do more, to grow beyond their restrictive societies. But they inevitably get hurt or killed because of that vision. It’s taught me to appreciate Starfleet more. The Federation may have its issues, but people like Jahla—people with drive, with backbone and passion—they’re celebrated here, not hunted.”

Janeway leaned forward, resting her chin on the palm of her hand and focusing her attention on him. “What about the Maquis?” she asked, “Did they encourage that type of drive among their officers as well?”

Chakotay rubbed his curled knuckles along his jawline for a moment, his brow furrowed as he thought. “It’s hard to say. In Starfleet, that drive is a symptom of a wonder for the universe, a desire to see the incredible things it holds. In the Maquis, that same drive is a symptom of disillusionment, after incredible turns out to be rather cruel as well. In that case, the drive becomes a desire to fix those wrongs inflicted by the cruelty—and in the Maquis, that most often involves using violence to set things right. They end up with different motivations, but the same fire inside the person.”

“Same fire…” Janeway echoed, letting his words resonate with her. The image he’d painted of the passionate, wronged Maquis officer felt a little too familiar for comfort. _The angry warrior,_ she thought to herself, before quickly pushing the words away. That wasn’t something she could think about right now—not while the ocean wind was winding its fingers around her flyaways, and Chakotay was sitting across from her in his white linen shirt. 

Silence fell between them, and she traced the pad of her index finger over the rim of her glass with a light touch. Chakotay took an intake of breath as if to speak, but stopped when she looked up expectantly. He let out the air with a rueful smile and a shake of his head as if to say “sorry, ignore me.” 

She turned her gaze to the water, letting the rhythmic sound of the waves lull her into a peaceful, blank state of mind. After a moment, her first officer spoke again. 

“Up for a swim?”

A eyebrow ticked up at his words, her expression somewhat dubious. 

“Why not?” He responded to her wordless hesitation. “I used to love being in the ocean, whenever I got the chance back on Earth. The rocking of the waves, the pressure of the water, swimming in a lake or a pool doesn’t even come close.”

She looked at the shoreline, and then back to Chakotay. “Why not?” She said with a grin, and stood without looking back at him, stripping off her jacket and dropping it to the sand as she headed to the seemingly endless expanse of water ahead of her.

The wet sand cracked and gave way beneath the balls of her feet as she reached the foamy edge of the beach, jogging with wide steps into deeper water. To her left, she saw a brief blur as Chakotay caught up with her and dove into the water, ducking under a wave and surfacing after it had crested. The same wave tumbled her direction, hitting her in the chest and knocking her back a foot. 

“Gotta work _with_ the waves, not against them, Captain,” he called to her, back stroking a little further into the salty brine.

She didn’t bother to return his playful insult at her form, instead diving under the next wave and following him out. Indiana may have been a landlocked state, but she’d done her fair share of swimming during her twenties, taking day trips to the beach with her friends during their years in the Academy. She knew what she was doing, whatever he might think. 

She broke through the surface beside him, smoothing back her hair as she did so. Chakotay leaned back in the water, letting his weight distribute in a star-fish shape as he submerged all except his nose and mouth. 

“I’ll race you out to that rock,” Janeway challenged, pointing out to a barely visible jagged mound emerging out of the water a dozen yards away, the remains of what appeared to be an old stone arch. 

“In the mood to be humbled, Captain?” He responded, straightening up and squinting at their finish line.

“In the mood to put my first officer in his place,” she fired back, and he shot her a devilish grin. 

“One....two...three…” They got into position side by side, each readying themselves to dive under the next wave. “Go!” They went under, the distance between them widening as they swam underwater. 

Chakotay surfaced first, gasping as he pulled oxygen into his starved lungs. “Hah!” He gloated, “I’m afraid you’ve been bested, Captain.” He turned his head, searching for her in the rolling waters around him. “Captain?”

There was no response, the only sound was the gentle whisper of the wind among the leaves back on land. He spun in place, scanning the rippling, moon-lit surface around him for any sign of her, but seeing nothing. Fear jumped into Chakotay’s throat, his heart picking up into a heavy thudding against his ribs. 

“Captain?” He dropped below the surface, his eyes wide in the dark sea but still unable to see anything. He shot up again, his voice becoming edged with panic, _“Kathryn?!”_

Suddenly, the water in front of him exploded, and he floundered backward as she sent a spray of droplets out to drench him, the sound of her laughter not quite processing in his ears. 

“Sorry Commander, I had to get a little revenge since you beat me by so mu—” she dropped off as she noticed the stricken look on his face. “Chakotay, are you okay?” 

He came back to himself, his hand grabbing her shoulder before he even realized what he was doing. “Kathryn, don’t do that to me,” his voice nearly cracked, the vestiges of his alarm still evident in the corners of his eyes and the tight bunch of his lips. 

Instant concern and guilt transformed her features, and she moved closer to touch his chest lightly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” She sought his eyes, trying to make up for the unintended effects of her game. 

“You didn’t think that would scare me?” His tone became sharp, his fear transforming into anger. “What part of making me think you had drowned wasn’t supposed to be scary? Please, explain it to me.”

“That wasn’t what I meant to do,” she scrambled to explain, stumbling over her words. “I just wanted to jump out at you, Chakotay, I really—” 

But this time he cut her off, “It’s okay, Captain.” His voice was cold now. “It was just a joke, I understand. I’m sorry to overreact.” He turned to swim back to shore but her hand went from his chest to his arm, holding him in place. 

“Chakotay,” she raised her palm to cup his cheek briefly, “are you okay? Why was that–I mean, I didn’t expect that it would affect you like that.” 

“It wasn’t that long ago that I saw you first unconscious on the shuttle floor, and then impaled by a sword in your shoulder. Puts a first officer on edge.” 

Understanding dawned in her eyes, and her expression softened as she realized how her recent brushes with death still weighed on him. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, trying to project a soothing quality into her words. 

The dull roar of the waves rose in their silence, and goosebumps erupted on her arm as she realized her hand still rested on his chest. 

She removed it, letting her fingers drag through the water back to her side. 

“It’s really okay.” His tone had dropped both the adrenaline-fueled fear and anger, leaving only a tired acceptance of her apology. 

Without needing to discuss it, they swam back to shore. They donned their jackets and let their soaked pants drip onto the sand, avoiding one another’s gaze. They walked toward the spot on the beach they’d first appeared, knowing they could summon the holodeck door anywhere but still somehow feeling as if they should exit through that spot. 

They both stopped once they arrived at their destination, the door appearing at Chakotay’s call while they turned to face one another. 

“It was a lovely program, and a lovely evening, Commander.” Janeway gave him a weak smile, wishing she could do a better job at thanking him for such a thoughtful dinner, no matter how the night had ended. 

“It was my pleasure, Captain.” They stood for a few minutes watching the ocean retreat and return. Neither knew how to leave when the tension in the air was so thick it felt as if they would have to wade through it like molasses to make it back to their quarters. 

“I should go,” Janeway said after a long moment, but Chakotay stepped forward, his hand raising to brush against her arm. 

“I—” He faltered, and then continued. “I can’t stand it, to watch you get hurt. That’s all.”

She glanced at his hand and then at his eyes, locked on her own. “I know, Commander.” she whispered. _Nor I you,_ she thought, but couldn’t bring herself to say. 

“I know you know, I just had to say it anyway. Goodnight, Captain.”

“Goodnight, Commander.”

He let her go, and they parted ways with a last long look. 

**=/\=**

Chakotay heaved an exhausted sigh as he stripped off the layers of his uniform, letting the pieces collect on the floor without bothering to put them in his tidy Starfleet receptacle. 

“To hell with the goddamned protocol,” he muttered, collapsing onto the couch and running a hand through his hair. 

The events of the night played back in his head, even as he tried to tune them out. His chest still burned from the tight constriction he’d felt in his airways while looking for her. _“Kathryn, don’t do that to me.”_ His own words rang in his head, and he tried to force them away, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes.

It didn’t work. 

_Don’t do this to me, Kathryn._ This time the words echoed from further back in the past, all the way back to a stormy planet’s surface where he’d bent over her body and pounded his knotted hands over her motionless chest. _Don’t you die on me now! Come on, Kathryn, Breathe!_

_“Enough!”_ He leapt to his feet, almost tripping over himself in his haste. The empty room swum around him, his vision blurry from the pressure he’d applied to his closed eyelids. “Stop it,” he commanded himself. 

Chakotay’s body felt tense, and he began to pace around the room automatically, his nervous energy taking over. His unconscious mutinied, refusing to obey his own order and forcing the ghost of the experience upon him. As if it were yesterday, he could still remember the electric terror he’d felt in his veins, crouched there on the planet. His entire being had lit up with fiery emotion, and even remembering the sensation caused his mouth to go dry and dread to pool in his stomach. Once again the distant memory invaded his head, his anguished cry calling to the woman he couldn’t bear to lose.

_Listen to me, Kathryn. You’ve got to breathe. Breathe! Breathe!_

The begging became tinged with desperation. _Start breathing! Come on, come on! No!!_

A new image suddenly forced itself into Chakotay’s brain, a hybrid of memory and twisted imagination: Kathryn lying unmoving on the sand, water choking her lungs while he worked fruitlessly to save her. 

Chakotay dropped to his knees, his arms curling around his head. What was happening to him? He was an officer, he was a commander, he shouldn’t be losing it over the imagined death of a captain who was perfectly safe, warm and protected in her quarters. And yet he couldn’t help the half-gasp, half-sob that escaped him at his own tortured vision. 

Was she really safe, even now? In the perils of space, with all those malicious alien ships and dangerous, alluring wormholes just waiting to wreak havoc upon Voyager? But he couldn’t think of that, it was his job to be strong, to be optimistic, to assure his captain that they’d make it home safe and sound. It was his job to tell himself he was capable of protecting the woman he couldn’t bear to lose. The woman who, so long ago now, had calmed the storm within that angry warrior. The woman whose pain felt as though it were his own skin being harmed, and whose smile he would rather die than see snuffed out. 

A realization settled into his heart.

_The woman he loved._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **New chapter either Wednesday or Thursday! As always, if you enjoy this story make sure to leave a like/kudo, comment, and follow! Love you guys. -E &L**


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Voyager needs a break, and Captain Janeway knows it. With Neelix’s help, Voyager makes contact with a planet called Xykarta, which welcomes them with open arms. However, despite this good news, there’s still something bothering her. Chakotay is cold, refusing to even meet her gaze most of the time, and she doesn’t know why. Will she be able to figure it out before a pit is dug between them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **As always, hope you enjoy! Updates should normalize to every Monday now. -E &L**

There was something wrong with Chakotay. Janeway wasn’t quite sure what this wrong-ness _was_ , exactly, but nevertheless she did know something was decidedly….off.

At the present moment they were on the bridge, occupying their usual chairs. To any outsider, the scene might appear completely normal; the bridge was filled with the subdued buzz of their officers’ mixed discussion of work and gossip, accompanied by a low background noise of computerized beeps and chirps. However, a trained eye could pick out the one anomaly in the room, a subtle yet distinctly atypical shift in the bridge’s atmosphere.

The body language of the captain and first officer was completely out of sync. In fact, the latter had nearly his entire back turned on the former. This was _highly_ unusual, to say the least. 

All morning, her first officer had refused to meet her gaze, and his responses to her typical questions and comments had been impersonal and clipped. 

Part of her wanted to call him into her ready room and outright ask him what his problem was. The other part of her argued that he was a person, just as she was, and it was possible he was simply having a bad day.

For the moment she decided to let him have his space, in case he needed it, and hope that he would either snap out of it, or talk to her in his own time. She turned her attention back to the scans of the sector Tom had just sent her, mentally plotting their course for the next six weeks.

After a couple of minutes she straightened up in her chair, tapping her comm badge. “Captain to Neelix. If you have a moment, would you mind reporting to the bridge?”

“Sure thing, Captain!” Came the cheery reply. 

Chakotay broke his self-imposed rule of no contact in order to raise his eyebrow at her. She lifted the PADD in her hand as an explanation, “Wanted to ask about the space we’re heading into, peaceful planets and such.” He merely nodded and turned back to his own work. 

Neelix soon arrived on the bridge, his bright orange outfit standing out among the formal backdrop of his fellow crewmates’ black Starfleet uniforms. 

“What can I do for you, Captain?” He asked, flashing a toothy smile to Janeway before taking a moment to greet the commander at her left warmly. She couldn’t help but notice that he returned the Talaxian’s welcome with none of the ice he’d had toward her all morning. She tried not to take it personally, but deep inside there was a spark of irritation and… _jealousy? No, that couldn’t be right._

“I was hoping you could take a look at our course chart for the next few weeks, and give me an idea as to the type of people we might encounter along the way—that is, if you know any of them. We’re running low on a couple of our mineral supplies, and if possible I’d like to find someplace friendly where we can orbit for a few days to restock.”

Neelix gave an affirming noise, poring over the course chart for a couple minutes and occasionally muttering to himself in positive or negative tones. He finally looked up again, and Janeway broke off the conversation she was having with Tom about ancient Earth sporting customs to let him brief her. 

“Well, Captain, the seas ahead look to me to be mostly calm waters, though I think there’s one planet in particular that would be best for some trade and even a little shore leave, if so desired.” He held up the PADD, zooming in on a particular dot a couple light years from their original course plan. “It’s this one right here. I believe it’s called Xykarta.”

Janeway peered at the dot for a moment, “And they’re a friendly people?”

“Oh, most friendly—or so I’ve heard. Xykarta is known in this area for being a safe haven to all. Actually, they have several laws and treaties in effect which make them a neutral zone. All species native to this space know that to bring violence to Xykarta is to violate a very serious inter-planetary agreement.”

Janeway’s fingers drummed against the arm of her chair as she mulled over his words. “Sounds perfect to me. Commander, any thoughts?”

Chakotay gave a detached raise of his eyebrows. “Sounds good to me as well, Captain.”

She waited for him to say more, but he merely turned back to the report he was working on. 

“Alright, well...thank you, Mr. Neelix, you’re dismissed.” Neelix gave her a last smile and headed out. 

**=/\=**

The next few weeks passed with almost suspicious normalcy. 

After the first couple days of cold shoulder, Chakotay had started to thaw toward Janeway again, but she could still feel the almost imperceptible frost between them. It was as if he were being just friendly enough, just normal enough, to keep her from asking questions. If he were any more removed she would have gone to ask him what was wrong, but as it was he walked a line of distance so fine that she didn’t feel right confronting him over something she couldn’t even fully identify. For all she knew, he could still be upset with her for inadvertently making him think she’d drowned. Which would be understandable, she had to admit. _But if he would just talk to her about it..._

So they exchanged hollow banter in the turbolift, and said hello in the mess hall, but didn’t have dinner together, didn’t talk casually in her ready room, and didn’t share old Earth jokes and stories on the bridge. 

Finally, after a long 25 days that felt even longer, they reached Xykarta. The M-class planet was surrounded by an atmosphere tinted with a bright mint-green, as if radiating health and liveliness. 

They’d made contact with the council of leaders that governed Xykarta when they came into comm range, and as they pulled into orbit they were greeted with a warm hail. 

“Captain Janeway!” The head of the Xykartan council exclaimed as he appeared on their viewscreen. “I am councilman Raitern. May I be the first to welcome you to our planet, I hope you find good fortune and solace on these shores.”

“Thank you, councilman,” Janeway responded with a gracious smile, “and I cannot express the depth of my appreciation for your hospitality. My ship could use a port in the storm, our journey in this sector has been long and tiresome.”

“It’s my pleasure.” The councilman dropped his formal greeting tone, leaving only a genuine kindness in his eyes. “Feel free to explore our planet, and let me know if there’s anything I can do for you. While you visit the surface, please keep the list of rules in mind that we transmitted to you earlier. Raitern out.”

Janeway turned to her fellow officers, Tuvok, Neelix, and Chakotay all having come behind her to observe their first close contact with the planet.

“Commander, you have the bridge. I’ll take Tuvok and Neelix with me to make sure Xykarta looks fit for shore leave. Shall we, gentleman?”

They nodded, and the three of them headed to the transporter room. They got clearance from the planet’s security and beamed down to the surface, arriving in the main plaza of the capitol’s welcoming building. 

They materialized in a silver circle designated for that purpose, under the main archway of the plaza. The three humans took a moment to look around and get their bearings, people of many different species bustling all around them and filling their ears with the sounds of a hundred different languages, some clearly too forgein for even the universal translator to make sense of. 

Before them, steps descended to another level of the plaza where the captain could see some of the strange species in all their glory. Some towered far over her head, and mingled with those who barely came up to her waist. Some species’ skin rippled with reflective scales, or seemed to be made of a dark earthy substance from which small plants burst, their roots wrapping around the species’ arms. A couple was given small bubbles of space by the crowd, as their bodies were covered with what looked to be sharp, sinister barbs. 

But, Janeway noted to herself, even those who were given a wide berth by the others for safety’s sake still had amicable expressions on their faces, and the whole place buzzed with the sound of laughter and lively discussion. 

“Starfleet!” Called a voice, and they turned to see a Xykartan native pushing through the throng in their direction, his distinctive blue horns erasing any doubt as to his ancestry. 

“I’m ambassador—I’m junior ambassador Lenkoi. Councilman Raitern sent me to be your guide and show you around! Sorry to just call you Starfleet like that, I was a bit flustered, what should I—”

Janeway cut him off with a calming look and a raised hand, “It’s completely alright, ambassador Lenkoi. Why don’t you show us around, and we can get acquainted?”

They set off, Tuvok and Neelix introducing themselves as they went. Lenkoi first showed them around the plaza, navigating the shifting sea of aliens as though he could psychically predict how each person would move at any given moment. There were restaurants and market stores of all types lining the outer walls, and the impossibly high ceilings negated any sense of claustrophobia the sheer number of people might cause. 

“Xykarta is by no means a utopia,” he told them, after explaining how the planet served as a no-fire zone, “but we work hard to make this a home for people of all species, where an intersection between planets can be built on common ground. Everything you see here is the product of great amounts of time, effort, and thought.” The young man had a look of rapt devotion on his face, clearly enamored with his own planet. 

“I actually grew up on a starship, and ever since I came back to the homeworld as a teenager, I’ve wanted nothing more than to help ensure that Xykarta fosters allyship and innovation. It’ll be my life's work, I hope.”

Neelix gave Lenkoi a clap on the shoulder, “You’ve done a wonderful job.” 

“I’d concur.” Janeway added, and the ambassador gave both officers a grateful look. 

Over the course of several hours, they toured the planet's primary trading center, the recreation facilities, and the cultural exchange hubs. Lenkoi was enthusiastic not only in sharing his own people’s traditions and practices, but in asking about Voyager’s. Neelix gave him a somewhat dramatized telling of their journey across the Delta quadrant, and as the two talked Janeway couldn’t help the budding affection that grew inside her. She was always inspired with a sense of optimism in the universe when she saw such a friendship forging across species. This, truly, was what space travel was all about. 

The group finally circled back to the main plaza, returning to the silver transporter circle. Lenkoi concluded his last expository speech, turning to Janeway as he did so. 

“So, Captain, do you think Voyager might be staying here for a few days? I’d love to get another chance to learn about your people—and perhaps Mr. Neelix could take a more hands on approach in teaching me a couple of those recipes he told me about.” The Talaxian grinned at this, and her three companions waited as she thought for a moment. 

“I see no problem with it, so long as Mr. Tuvok agrees?” The security officer gave his affirmation, and Janeway mimed dusting her hands of her last concerns. 

“Then we’ll stay for seven days, to trade for the minerals we need and to give our crew some shore leave. Thank you so much, ambas—” At this, the Xykartan shook his head scoldingly, and she corrected herself, “thank you, Lenkoi.”

“My pleasure, Captain. I look forward to meeting more Starfleet soon.” Lenkoi departed with a wide smile, the thrill his young mind found in making new allies shining clearly through his amber, crescent-shaped eyes. 

**=/\=**

That evening, Janeway stood outside Chakotay’s quarters, struggling to convince herself to ring his chime. She’d already allowed a rotation of crewmen to beam down to the planet, and there was a sense of excitement on the ship. It’d been a while since they’d been able to let their guards down, they all needed this. However, Chakotay had declined her offer to be on the first group down, and he’d retired to his quarters early that evening. 

She raised her hand in a sudden motion, but lowered it again in defeat. What would she even say to him? She had no real reason to bother him during his personal time, and even though “I miss you,” was the truth, that would be difficult to say. Not only would it be difficult, but she _couldn’t_ tell him that. As captain, it would be inappropriate to tell any member of her crew those words. Even if that member was her first officer. Even if that member was her most trusted friend. 

The distance between them had been such a subtle game he played that she wasn’t even sure he would admit to understanding _why_ she missed him. 

“Damn it, Kathryn, just—” she hit his bell with quick movement, before the rational half of her brain could stop her. 

She entered at his call, and found him reading a book on the couch. 

“Good evening, Commander. I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

“That’s quite alright, Captain.” He stood, setting his book face-down on his table. “What can I do for you?”

“I just wanted to check in, since you decided not to take your shore leave today. Xykarta really is a beautiful planet, you should explore their cultural buildings at the very least, I’ll cover your shift. I saw some exhibits I thought you might be interested in.” 

“That’s very thoughtful of you, I’ll certainly make sure I get down there at least once this week.”

“You should have seen our guide today. A very eager young man, kept getting his horns caught on these shrubs lining one of their gardens because he got sanimated talking to Neelix that he forgot to watch where he was going.”

Chakotay gave an amused huff but no response, and an awkward pause grew between them. Janeway knew he was signalling the end of this conversation, yet she hesitated once more. 

_What was with her? Usually she was so confident in her relationship with him. She never used to be unsure of herself in his presence, but lately he’d been nearly impossible to read._

“Was there something else?” He asked, locking eyes with her but keeping his expression one of professional detachment. 

“No, I guess there wasn’t.” She went to leave, but turned to face him again as she stood in the doorway. 

“Just… you can talk to me, Chakotay, if you need to. I’ve missed you. That’s it.” The words were out before she could stop them, and she knew she had to flee as soon as they left her mouth. 

She was out the door before he could respond, halfway down the hallway in a fraction of a second. He was left with his hand half-outstretched, reaching out to the woman he longed to catch in his arms but finding only empty air. 

_That’s all he ever got when he reached out to her,_ he thought darkly. _Empty air._

Maybe he should just stop reaching at all. Stop letting himself get himself endlessly hurt by her. _When you want for nothing you lack nothing, right?_

Maybe that reasoning would finally stop up the hole in his heart that just kept bleeding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **We hope you’ll enjoy the new side plot being put into action with the Xykartans! Of course, you’ll see the whole plot next chapter ;). As always, if you enjoyed make sure to like/kudos and leave a comment! See you next week <3.-E&L**


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